Gay Sex and the City

Just to clear the air, I'm gayer than Christmas. I'm queerer than a 3 dollar bill. To make a long story short, there is more than a lil sugar in my tank. That being said, I've never really been very "gay." It's really one of the least interesting things about me. I grew up in rural Iowa, and although I was checking out every strapping young farm lad, I was much more concerned with cultivating my dirty hippy look than practicing my finger curl or dressing to the nines or any of the other stereotypical gay teen ritual. Needless to say, moving from rural Iowa to the gay Mecca that is Hell's Kitchen Manhattan was a bit of a culture shock (not to mention the fact that I was fresh off of 12 months isolated at the South Pole.) Other than the fact that my gayborhood is full of devastatingly attractive men in tight clothes, some of them actually walk around HOLDING HANDS in broad daylight. When I feel like tearing it up to the latest Britney beat there are a myriad of gay clubs within mere blocks of my front door. After 7 months in the city I've been thoroughly gayified, and here is how it happened.

First and foremost, I just have to give a shout out to my boo Matthew Hemesath cause I would not want to be a single gay man in this city. Don't get me wrong, at a different time in my life I would have had a lot of fun and made some really poor decisions, but there are so many ways to meet like minded queers in New York. Now, I should preface this by saying that I'm not judging anyone who uses Grindr (in fact, that's how I met the love of my life) but the prevalence of that app in this city is astounding. I could understand using it on a cold lonely winter's evening when you're looking for a cuddle buddy with benefits, but when I see boys in the middle of the dance floor, literally surrounded by hundreds of single, available and attractive gay men, tapping away on their smartphones trying to find someone with whom they can "connect" it blows my mind. Speaking of dance floors I could go out to a different swank gay establishment every night of the week and never hit the same place twice. It's scary how fast I've turned into a snobby Hell's Kitchener too; I'm hard pressed to leave the gayborhood when I have drag at The Ritz, walking tacos at Flaming Saddles and my favorite djs at Stage 48 all within walking distance of my stoop (which is especially important now that it's getting cold and I still want to wear my slutty cutoff shorts and tank tops out and about.) I'm sure it's prevalent in other gay haven cities, but since I've been in New York I have seen more creative relationship configurations than I even new existed. There are committed couples, couples in open relationships, couples that "play" not to mention throuples, quadrouples and the occasional pentouple. Nothing threw me for a loop quite like being introduced to a cute hairdresser, his boyfriend and his boyfriend's husband. If it works it works, and you can call me old fashioned, but one boyfriend is almost more than I can handle.

Now, had I moved to NYC independently, as opposed to invading my boo's already well established gay life, I would run and hidein the hipster comfort that is Brooklyn but I was lucky enough to hook a man with good taste and the income to shack up in Hell's Kitchen. I love our gayborhood. The streets are littered with muscle daddies, empty diet Red Bull cans, suspicious black latex gloves and other evidence of gay revelry. On Saturdays and Sundays, roving bands of brunch zombies straggle up and down the streets moaning, "mmmmmmiiiimmmmoooossssaaaasss!"

You can't throw your clutch without hitting a fro-yo store or expensive underwear retailer. And perhaps my favorite part of living in the gayest place I've ever been is the boys with their dogs. Before toddlers became the new must have gayccessory, there was the tiny dog; and as if a chihuahua or toy terrier wasn't the gayest canine ever, they all have the most amazing names ever. Pineapple, Tofu and Riesling; what I've only ever known as menu items are actually perfectly acceptable pet names. Who knew?

I just have to reiterate how happy I am to be happily coupled here in New York, with all of the super hot, available and ever so interested gay men here, I would have been completely overstimulated were I not grounded by my rock, Matt. There are so many boys here and all of them are so proud and fierce and handsome that it really feels like I'm a part of some bigger homo-movement and I love it. The country boy that arrived in this city almost a year ago has given way to a slightly more well dressed (you can take the boy out of Iowa...) loud and proud member of the gay community and I absolutely love it. So I will continue my transition to high falootin city queer and allow this city to, in the words of my boo, "fan the flames of my faggotry."

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